The Lost Art of Reading People: What My Father Taught Me About Leadership

Over the years, my father has taught me something crucial about seeing people clearly.

He was not only a respected surgeon but also an award-winning teacher of other surgeons and sport medicine doctors.

We often talk about the evolution of medicine.

My dad trained and practiced medicine of the era of house calls, personal follow-up calls at every hour, and hand holding.

"The younger generation of doctors," he says, "has forgotten how to actually see their patients."

He describes how new doctors immediately order tests. MRIs, blood work, other imaging. They skip the fundamentals of talking to the patient, listening to their story, and actually examining them.

"They look for the text but miss the texture," he says.

The measurable data versus the context, the story, the human reality behind the numbers.

People also come in having consulted "Doctor Google," thinking they have all the information they need. "But," he adds, "symptoms without context are just data points."

Real understanding requires an "it depends" investigation. What makes the pain better or worse? What environmental factors are at play? How in tune is this person with their own experience? Are they someone who under-reports problems or tends to amplify them? Are there areas of strength that might be masking the pain or could be used to help the person recover faster?

Data points of any kind are limited in what they provide.

This applies to numbers of all kinds that we get preoccupied with these days. The output from your “aura ring” or smartwatch, your bloodwork report, scores on a mental health scale, physical strength or speed tests, dimensions on a leadership style or personality test, or employee engagement survey results.

They all need "interpretation" by a human who sees the whole picture, who can read between the lines of "text" to understand what it really means.

But there is an art and skill to looking for texture. And we are slowly losing this ability in our data-driven lives.

Healthcare professionals miss it with patients. Teachers miss it with students. Coaches miss it with athletes. Leaders miss it with employees and teams.

When it comes to high performance and wellbeing, understanding how to read "texture" is crucial for closing gaps and improving the status quo. For individuals and teams.

The score is just text. The real story is in the texture.

Texture is the personal stories and context of how people tick. What motivates them. What really is causing the disengagement, pain, or lack of performance. What circumstances, environments, relationships that bring out the best in people regardless of their "type" or generation.

In my work as a clinical psychologist who's mentored PhD students and clinicians-in-training for over 20 years, I prioritize teaching ways to capture the texture of people's lives.

I teach leaders and practitioners how to ask the right questions. How to get the story behind the story.

A diagnosis, personality test or symptom scale doesn't capture anything close to what a good clinical interview does. We always gather data from different sources, people, and across time to get a clear picture of what's going on.

What if we developed the same rigor for reading people that we have for reading spreadsheets and culture survey data?

I’ll tell you.

Without texture, people don't feel seen and understood. Without that, they don't feel you're on their team. They don't trust and respect you. They won't share openly with you. They won't change. They won't challenge the status quo as an individual or as a teammate.

Now translate this to how we try to understand our teams.

Leaders are drowning in engagement surveys and performance metrics while missing the human reality right in front of them.

Organizations get culture data that they have no idea what to do with because they don't have the story, the texture, to support next steps.

How do you seek out information to truly understand the data you get on culture surveys or 360 evaluations?

Text tells us engagement scores are down. Texture tells us people feel disconnected from the purpose of their work or don't feel valued enough to work harder.

Text tells us someone missed their targets. Texture tells us they're struggling with a sick parent at home.

Text tells us someone asks too many questions or they are "anxious." Texture tells us they're actually your best risk detector.

Identifying and unlocking high performance demands that we see the texture.

Take Tom Brady. At the NFL Combine, he ran a 5.28 second 40-yard dash and had the worst shuttle time among quarterbacks. The text said he was too slow. The texture revealed exceptional decision-making under pressure and leadership that inspired teammates. He became the most successful quarterback in NFL history despite having some of the worst combine numbers.

Or consider Satya Nadella at Microsoft. Employee engagement surveys showed people were "uncooperative" and resistant to cross-team projects (the “text”). Nadella's listening tours revealed the real story. People actually wanted to collaborate but avoided it because the forced ranking system punished them for helping other teams succeed (the “texture”). He eliminated the ranking system that was creating the "uncooperative" behavior. The same "uncooperative" employees became one of tech's most collaborative cultures. But he couldn’t have done this without the patience, curiosity, and other interpersonal skills that got him to the right data.

What can you do to look beyond the data or your first impressions of someone you support or lead?

Real understanding requires investigation beyond the data.

It means spending time in actual conversation, not just email.

It means noticing energy and engagement, not just outputs.

It means asking about context, not just performance.

It means getting curious instead of making assumptions.

When my father examines a patient, he doesn't just look at the test results. He observes how they move. He listens to how they describe their pain. He notices what they're not saying. He reads the texture of their experience.

The same skills apply to leadership.

We don't need more assessments or engagement surveys to understand people.

We need better ways to see, listen, and stay curious about the whole picture.

And these skills are not taught in school.

In a world obsessed with metrics, the leaders who stand out will be those who remember how to truly see people. They'll combine the precision of good data with the wisdom of human observation.

They'll read both the text and the texture.

Because whether you're treating patients, coaching athletes or developing teams, you're working with whole human beings whose reality extends far beyond what any measurement can capture.

What texture might you be missing about the people and teams you are developing?

Trust me, going beyond the data and learning the art of gathering "texture" will 10-fold your effectiveness as a healthcare provider, coach and a leader.

Want to read people better and elevate your team’s performance? Reach out to me today to book a training session for you or your team. My clinical psychology training, leadership experience and work with high-performance teams gives me a unique lens on how to go beyond the data and help people thrive.