Stop Looking for More Hacks

I confess - I'm a sucker for peeking at the link to a good hack.

Even as a psychologist who knows better, I can't help myself check out the latest optimization technique.

“How to get deeper sleep!”
“10-minute yoga for complete peace of mind"
”5 morning habits that will kickstart a perfect day!”

As a younger psychologist, I would collect articles and books full of guides promising to unlock potential through better systems.

I was searching for the most efficient way to get to the best version of myself. And help others do the same.
I've tried most of them. Most of the techniques work...until they don't.

Because knowing what we SHOULD do has never been the problem. For anyone.

The solution is figuring out why we don’t do what we know we should.

When people come to me after the hacks don’t work (or stop working), the first thing we have to agree on is that the answers are going to take a little more time to uncover than anything they’re getting from Tik Tok.

Not everyone is ready for this deeper work. But this is my litmus test for whether someone is a true high performer.

Let’s take the Olympic swimmer I worked with. She knew every race preparation technique. Visualization, breathing exercises, perfect training schedule - all checked off. Still couldn't perform when it mattered.
When we looked at what was really going on, the floodgates opened. She carried the weight of her family's financial struggles. Her parents had sacrificed their retirement savings for her training.
What’s more is that when she imagined failing, she saw her father's disappointed silence. It was the same withdrawal she'd experienced as a child when she didn't meet expectations.
She didn't need another technique from me. She needed to explore what that fear was really about.
So we did. We dug deeper. To the stuff below the surface.

We opened up the heavy luggage that was weighing her down in the pool.
She named the fear for what it was. She spoke to her father about this dynamic and what she needed from him. She found other ways of coping with the fear and the guilt.She freed up a ton of mental and physical energy. Swam faster. Lighter. With more joy. Baggage-free.

The executive came to me asking for delegation strategies. She'd read every leadership book. Knew all the frameworks. Still worked 80-hour weeks while talented team members left for other opportunities.
She appeared decisive and in control on the surface. Strong leader vibes everywhere.
When I asked what made letting go feel so dangerous, she paused. Then quietly admitted she was terrified of being seen as weak. Of losing other's approval because of that. Even though she'd made it to the top of her field against all odds, she couldn't shake that fear.
She didn't need my delegation tips. She needed to understand where that belief came from.
So we dug deeper.
She discovered she'd learned to doubt herself as a child. Her mother criticized everything - what she wore, what she said, how she felt. As an adult, she'd overcompensated by rigidly holding to her decisions. Never wavering. Shutting out all input.
She soon realized she was becoming just like her mother - autocratic and judgmental.

The surgeon came asking for sleep strategies. Had honors in school. Excellent technical skills. Patients loved his bedside manner. But he couldn't sleep the night before difficult procedures.
This makes sense on the surface. Concern about making mistakes that could hurt someone is exactly what we want in a surgeon.
But when I asked what kept him awake specifically, we uncovered something else.
His hyper-responsible perfectionistic tendencies were trying to solve for chaos in his family life.

He knew that personal stuff needed to stay outside the operating room. But the more he avoided dealing with it, the more it bothered him at all hours.
He didn't need my sleep hygiene tips. He needed to face what he'd been avoiding.

When he did, his mind was clear and he slept like a log.

When people get obsessed with hacks, it’s often because they are unwilling to do the deeper work.

But when they do take the time to look below the surface, their "lack of motivation" reveals itself as misaligned values. Their "procrastination" unmasks as perfectionism. Their team's "resistance" reflects back their own unexamined patterns.

I wish it were easier. But the truth is, the answers for sustainable excellence and real change can’t be found in the next hack.

No technique, book, or framework will bring insight unless you have done the inside work on the baggage that you know is weighing you down.

You’ve got to find your way (or get help to go) through whatever you’ve been trying to avoid by fixating on the latest hack.
The real solutions are in the questions we're afraid to ask ourselves.
“Why does this solution or approach feel impossible for me?”
“What am I protecting by staying stuck in this pattern?”
“What would I have to face if I actually changed?”
This is uncomfortable work. It's much easier to keep buying “productivity courses” than to examine why we sabotage our own systems.

But WAY more rewarding. And more likely to unlock peak potential than any skill or hack.

The work isn't “out there” in someone else's advice (not even mine).

The work is “in here.”

It’s found in understanding what makes you tick, what trips you up, and what you really need to deal with in order to perform at your best.

The only useful hack is finding the right questions to ask ourselves.

What hacks do you get pulled towards? What makes it hard to dig deeper? What else might you be avoiding by focusing on finding the “quick fix”? DM me - I'm genuinely curious.

P.S. If you're ready to move beyond collecting techniques to understanding what actually drives your performance, my Bridging Generations Leadership program teaches leaders how to ask the questions that unlock potential - starting with their own. Reach out if you're ready to explore what's really getting in the way.