Leading Across Generations: The Strong Back, Soft Front Approach

Growing up, I lived between two worlds. My father embodied hustle culture - work hard, push through, achievements speak louder than words. My mother was equally driven but focused on support and communication that made us feel cared for and valued as people.

As I became an adult and then a clinical psychologist, I found myself ping-ponging between these extremes. Sometimes too harsh - all boundaries with little warmth. Other times too soft - so supportive I lost the structure people needed to grow.

Becoming a mindfulness teacher led me to the phrase that changed everything: "Strong back, Soft front." You're grounded and steady, but also receptive and open.

It's not about choosing between strength and tenderness- it's about embodying both simultaneously.

The Workplace Divide

This same struggle plays out everywhere, particularly in generational workplace tensions. Older generations learned to connect through shared struggle and achievement. They found belonging in the grind, proving worth through performance.

Gen Z watched their parents burn out. They saw adults who were stressed, disconnected, and struggled to be present. So they're saying, "There has to be a better way. We need safety and connection first, then we can perform."

The older generation thinks, "Why do they need so much hand-holding?" Gen Z thinks, "You're asking me to sacrifice my well-being for results."

Both generations are right. And both are missing something crucial.

What Everyone Actually Needs

Deci and Ryan's Self-Determination Theory (SDT) shows that all humans - regardless of generation - need three fundamental things to thrive: Autonomy, Belonging, Competency. I like to add on an “S” for Safety.

Think of this as these ABCs as crucial ingredients for sustainable high performance AND well-being. You don’t have to choose performance over mental health in the workplace. Just focus on these and both will be optimized.

Autonomy: The ability to make choices and have some control over what you do

Belonging: Genuine connection, a sense of mattering, and collaboration

Competency: The chance to grow, learn, and master meaningful challenges

Safety: Physical and emotional security to take risks, be vulnerable, make mistakes

Important: These ABCs are fundamental to ALL humans. ALL generations. We just may have learned to meet these needs differently along the way.

The older generation learned to meet their ABCs through achievement and performance. “If I achieve high standards, THEN I matter. If I meet other people’s needs, THEN I’m safe….”

Gen Z want these needs met more directly in order to perform. “If I feel I have freedom to choose, feel like I matter and am safe enough to take risks (because I trust the person who’s asking me to do so), THEN I can challenge myself and master things.”

The point is: WE ALL NEED THE SAME THINGS TO THRIVE!

We are less different than you think. Once we get this, collaboration, trust, and respect come WAY easier.

Strong Back, Soft Front Leadership

From sport coaching to leadership to parenting research, the way to meet the ABCs to grow motivated and healthy humans is clear: provide both challenge and support simultaneously. This is why I love the “Strong Back, Soft Front” analogy.

Strong Back means: clear expectations and boundaries, accountability, structure, firm limits, tough decisions.

Soft Front means: authenticity, empathy, curiosity, openness to ideas, mutual trust and respect, collaboration and flexibility in approach.

Consider these examples:

Performance review: "Your presentation skills need significant improvement - the executive team didn’t get your main points." (Strong Back) "I've been where you are. What do you think would help? Maybe we can schedule practice sessions and connect you with our presentation coach." (Soft Front)

Sport Debrief: "Your technique is costing you speed. We're going to work more on this stroke until it's automatic." (Strong Back) "I know this feels frustrating - most swimmers struggle here. Let's break it into smaller pieces. Here’s why we’re doing it this way… I know you can get this." (Soft Front)

Gen Z's Concerns

If you're thinking "Gen Z will never buy into being challenged as much as they need to be," here's what research shows: Gen Z isn't afraid of challenge - they're afraid of inauthentic leadership.

They need the "why" behind everything. Unlike previous generations, they won't accept "because that's how we do it." When you set a challenge, explain why it matters and how it connects to something meaningful.

They want continuous feedback, not crisis interventions. 63% prefer timely, constructive feedback. The traditional annual review doesn't work.

They can spot performative support from a mile away. Gen Z values authenticity above all - "words and actions need to match." They're highly attuned to leadership accountability. Your soft front can't be an act. If you say you care about their development but disappear when they struggle, they'll notice.

They're seeking purpose, not just performance. 86% of Gen Z thinks having a sense of purpose at work is key for job happiness, and 65% want to personally create something world-changing. Your challenges need to connect to something bigger than quarterly numbers. Help them see how mastering this skill or completing this project contributes to their long-term impact.

The good news? Gen Z's expectations align perfectly with Strong Back, Soft Front leadership. They want transparency, authentic care, continuous growth, and meaningful connection. They're asking you to be genuine about why standards matter and to support them in meeting them.

Think of it this way: Have you ever taken the advice or listened to the message of someone who you didn’t trust? The trust and connection has to come first. It opens ears and minds.

Strong Back, Soft Front takes care of the ABCs so people are willing to follow your lead.

What’s In It for Leaders?

The generational gap is the crisis leaders in all workplaces are facing.

And the time to bridge that gap is NOW.

If we don’t, then there is no succession plan. All of the lessons and wisdom that you have gained over time will go to waste because no one will listen to them. Let alone stay in the job long enough to become leaders themselves!

And let’s talk about the profound satisfaction that comes from watching someone grow fully into their potential. When you master “Strong Back, Soft Front leadership,” you don't just get better metrics, you witness transformation.

This approach transforms your work from management to mentorship. Your team starts bringing you solutions instead of problems, innovations instead of complaints.

I know first-hand from my teaching and mentoring over the past 25 years: The best way to get meaning from your work is from witnessing the growth of the people around you.

Choosing to invest in Strong Back, Soft Front leadership skills goes well beyond checking boxes for HR or preventing safesport issues.

This is the ticket to building sustainable excellence. This is what builds people and teams who perform at the highest levels while still attending to well-being.

Strong Back, Soft Front. Grounded in purpose, open to humanity. This isn't about being soft or hard - it's about being both, because that's what ALL humans need to thrive – including YOU!

And here's the best part: when you lead this way, you don't just develop better teams. You rediscover why you became a leader in the first place.

References

Harvard Business Review. "Helping Gen Z Employees Find Their Place at Work." January 2023. Stanford Report.

"8 ways Gen Z will change the workforce." February 2024. McKinsey & Company.

"Psychological safety and the critical role of leadership development." February 2021.

Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. The Washington Post.

"Gen Z employees want feedback at work. Here's how managers should do it." April 2024. Deloitte.

"Understanding Generation Z in the Workplace." 2024. The Washington Center.

"Gen Z 'Stans' Feedback - Here's How to Structure It Best." October 2022.